I am a designer, I am a writer, I am a singer, I am a dancer, I am a comedian, I am emotional, I am an actor, I care about people, animals and things deeply, I am.....It's taken me a long time to embrace, to accept, to acknowledge those things about myself. It's taken me a long time to understand that all that I am others may not buy into, may not believe it, may not accept it and it's taken me a long time to understand that even if who I am is not true for them doesn't mean it's not true.
I always feel as though I'm at a crossroads between what people think of me and who I genuinely am, who my spirit tells me I am. Even one person's fiction is another one's truth. Even if I never danced on a stage, won an oscar, recorded an album, wrote a novel, told a joke, it doesn't or shouldn't take away from who I believe myself to be. Coming to that realization is when I began to understand that I had given others too much power over me and kept none for myself.
I am often not associated with being a creative person but more associated with not being accomplished. Even when you can prove your accomplishments, you still are not considered accomplished enough. I'm always trying to prove myself to others and in the process forget that I am all of the things that I stated I am. Forgetting who and what I am has at times caused me considerable stress, immense depression that I would often smile through thinking that if I didn't appear happy, those that I was seeking approval from wouldn't buy into the "Product" that I was selling.
For some, the definition of being creative means that you are some non-person whose intent was to be something else and failed. If asked who has said these things about me, I honestly could not tell you the name of one person who said it to my face but because of that, some would say that it's all in my head but there are at times a penetrable energy that you receive from people that speak louder than any words could ever say.
I have started on my journey of taking the power that I allowed others to have over me back. I have begun the journey of not just saying "I am all of these things" but believing them. I understand that if I don't take responsibility for my soul, then my soul will cease to exist.
I will not allow others to tell my story. I will no longer be silent in acknowledging my spirit, in participating in my life and in that, sharing my life with others in a way that allows the light in.